Blog

18/01/25

22:39

Stressed & Longing

Here is a picture of my leather jacker (kinda goth & punk themed) its not finished, still needs alot of work but its coming together I think lol. Made the Kino and Neuk! patches myself.

I'm not gonna put a fancy frame around the picture im too lazy rn sorry...

Anyway upcoming test weeks are always sooooo fucking stress full, all my muscles are so damn tense from all the stress lol. Did some stuff for school today but not as much as I liked. Spend most of the day binge watching adventure time. Hope the test week goes by soon, but yeah what then. I dont got anything to do after the test week so I'm probably gonna be so bored.

Also been kinda yearning for a vacation with friends again, I went on one last summer. It was so fun probably one of the best experiences ever, the memories made then are so good. Hopefully we can go again this year if it goes through...

17/01/25

20:20

A bit Stressed & A bit chill

Hi guys, today this kid broke his fucking leg at physical education class... His whole knee was poking out, probably didnt feel too good because damn he screamed. It was the last PE class before I graduate tho so that was an unique ending...

Also watched this documentary called Boston Beatdown Vol 2 (If you want to watch it just click the link.) Its about this group (wich is also considered a street gang by the FBI) Called FSU (Friend Stand United.) Its basicly a group consisting of hardcore punk and punk rock guys/kids against racism, nazis and facism. And I'm all for that, but their self filmed documentary is so cringe bruh.

They present it like its going to include the history of bostons hardcore punk scene. But its just half an hour filled with some tough guys saying shit like "we rule boston bro" and more then half the footage is just videos of violent gang beating and stabbings, like its great if those people who are being beat up are nazis but in some scenes it just seems to be random people. I wish they would give a little more context on the fights. Also if they're not talking their just showing footage of the band "Blood for Blood" performing, wich kind of screams self promotion. Dont get we wrong it was kinda funny to watch but the whole documentary just screams "look how tough we are guys, we are beating people in 1 vs 10 fistfights."

Anyway I'm gonna cleam up my room rn, probably wont do too much on school today since its already a bit late. I'm gonna plan in my agenda tho so I am a little more organised

16/01/25

13:26

Agitated & A bit worried

Sitting in clas again, I have been called "Subway surfer" by like 3 stupid kids already... Idk why they keep sayinh that to me probably bc I am wearing a bit baggy clothing and have a pair of retro headphones?? Still I hate that people hate so much on people who dress different, like you are a 12 year old trying to insult a 17 year old. Where is your respect and common decency at?? Stupid wanna be gangsters.

14/01/25

13:40

Stressed & Unmotivated

Sitting in class now, gotta go to the pyschologist in 20 minutes lol, I cant seem to clearly remember what I wanted to say to her wich is so stupid of me. I cant really formulate what I am struggeling with. Hope it goes well tho. After that idk what I'm gonna do, hopefully I'll do some learning for my test week but I'm so unmotivated lol I cant focus. At the same time I'm so bored so I'll probaly work on my leather jacket and watch Adventure Time or something.

11/01/25

22:38

Uncertain & Stressed

Played DnD today, it was the third session for our campaign. It was pretty fun, we played some magic the gathering after. I still had the urge to go home tho, not because it was boring but maybe because I was forcing myself to enjoy it. I have been pretty bored since my bestfriend moved and now I dont really know what to do, I mean I do force myself to be productive when I have free time. But I cant force myself to do homework and things for school lol. Hope the test week passes fast and goes well. Idk what I'll do tomorow but I hope that I wont have that feeling of needing to be productive the whole time. Anyway do be glad that I can play DnD again because our group didnt play for a long time, glad to be back into fantasy :) !

08/01/25

22:31

Positive & uncertain

I love it when cd's contain a dvd!! Got this Pennywise (skate punk band) cd and it included this dvd wich was just a combination of "the making of" style documentation and just dumb shit the band members were doing (I also got a dvd in a Avril Lavigne cd). So cool that they included that kind of shit back in the day haha really cool to watch. I honestly wish that I could experience the early 2000s :P . I also love it when the case has a sticker/stickers on it.

Anyways I've been calming my mind a bit and it has been pretty succesfull, anyway there are always things to worry about but its kinda human to worry lol. Making steps is good tho. Also school has begun again wich sucks kinda :( .

05/01/25

12:20

Chillin & Bored

Im gonna eat pancakes yippie!! Idk what I'm gonna do today, I need to do homework but I dont want to, I'll see. Probably gonna be gamin and watch some things idk. Also really happy with my cd's so far! So nice to play a game and listen music on my cd player.

04/01/25

22:42

Lonely, Worried, & Stressed

I dont really know how to put in words how I feel right now, but holy shit I'm in a rollercoaster of emotions right now. Not that thats rare because I have that everyday. My brain is just pure chaos, I cant get thing straight. I keep worrying and stressing about stupid bullshit everyday, I finaly reached out to a mental health profesional because I want to change all this. I need to let go of these fears and stop overthinking and all the other bullshit that has been going on. I want to feel calm and be normal like last years spring. I was feeling so good back then.

I just need to stop worrying because almost everything I worry about turns out unnecessary. But this is the fun part: "Is it also gonna be alright this time?" "What if this time it turns out different?" I am so sick of these toughts because they just keep me stressed the whole day and they also ruin my mood and influence how im feeling, everyday.

I'm also stressing the fuck out because of school, got exams coming up... School is not the only thing I worry about, there are alot of other things. But the main cause is just me.

Dont worry tho it will be alright dont take this like way too serious (if it makes sense), before sleep I always get high in my emotions lol im sorry. Goodnight guys.