Blog

20/02/25

22:54

Bored & Excited & Nervous

Finished episode 1 of life is strange, I feel so sad that I finished it that quick and will never be able experience it for the first time again...

Anyway I did something so impulsive but also overwhelming and suspensefull... You know that I was talking about moving and picking a different college to go to? I just signed up for this trial study day at a college in Amersfoort, wich is a city close to my favorite part of the netherlands... The Veluwe!!! PINETREES AND PINEWOODS AAAAAAAAA. So if this trial day leaves a good impression on me, I might actualy go to that school, and also move there... Finaly, I might make a change in my life. I'm really glad that I might actualy do this, but also im really nervous about it all since its a big change. But I might actualy regret not looking into other schools and shit. When I finish school I wont be able to experience this shit and it wont be able to move that easily. This is my chance to maybe do something for once!!

19/02/25

22:28

Lonely & yearning

Started playing Life is Strange like yesterday, I havent even finished the first episode but I'm already in love. I love the whole scenery and vibes, pinetrees, rural towns, 2010's, teenage life. What more could I ask for. I also love Max (the main character) Me and her have so much in common I feel like. I really would want to be best friends with her. Honestly I get so sad that I will probably never experience that vibe, idk how to explain but it trully is gut wrenching.

I want to make a big change in life, I want to move and go to college somewhere else. I want to meet new people, I want to make new friends. I used to be this guy with a big social circle, meeting new people almost everyweek. But now I rarely meet new people, and I dont got that much real friends. I want to move for a change of scenery, I want forests. Tomorow me and my parents are gonna look into other schools in other parts of the netherlands, and places where I can move to.

I really wanna do this and leave this place behind. I feel like if I dont make a big change, life will be the same over and over again and im so sick of that. I need something new. I need to make a decision for myself, nothing matters anyway. At the end of the day you will always be alone... With your self. I really hope I can move and go to a different school, I hope its not too late. If I remember right, I still have to to change schools and shit...

I also want a polaroid camera now, but im broke and jobbles, so I'll need to find a job soon.

18/02/25

00:30

weird &

I am pretty drunkd now but i felt kidna happy i guess now I see why some people become alcholic but not me i dont want to ever. but I aslo cried some tears for first time in like a year wow, life is so weird bruh

16/02/25

14:38

Bored

got final exams coming up but I dont want to make homework... But I Probably should tho lol but im too lazy, it also sucks that like 2 months before the exams all my freetime will be gone so yeahhh.

Sun is shining today so that is nice, I've been bored the whole weekend and not been outside that much lol. I have just been sewing some patches onto hoodies and been playing fortnite and watching adventure time. Was going to play DnD today but someone was sick to it didnt go through sadly.

14/02/25

00:14

Tired & Sad

Valentines day!! My parents maried when they were around 22/21, I'm almost 18 and I'm not confident that much is gonna change for me in 3/4 years. I know its cringe to say lolll. Im gonna sleep now bye.

06/02/25

22:51

Chillin & Happy

Tried poking the laser tray thinge thing on the exposed part on my cd player radio thing, got pretty frustrated trying to make that stupid thing work. I just stabbed the laser glass in anger lol so that thing is broken for sure. Not that it even really functiond before... But yeah now I dont got nothing to play cds with. I hope I get a stereo set for my birthday but it wont be a really good on because I dont have that much money.

05/02/25

22:27

Positive & weird

School today... BORINGGGG!!!!!!!! Went to the thrift for some fabric for my diy projects, then went to this russian shop and bought sunflower seeds. Gotta love Russian food and culture, such a shame that the leader is such an asshole.

I then went to a bench where I used to sit and eat семечки, I havent really sat down and turned my mind off for like a year. I just looked up at the sky while listening some music and thats when I realised that the whole world and our reality, is just a painting.

Honestly, just look up at the sky and tell me that it doesnt look like a painting... Especialy when the sun is setting and you got these strokes of pink in the air. Shouldve been sitting way more the last year, your brain sometimes just needs time to think without doing stuff.

One other thing the sky has taught me today is that birds that fly in formations never leave each other, some might get tired and fly a bit behind but they will always return to each other. Idk why but for me it has a deeper meaning because I kinda have this seperation and abandonment anxiety with people (this makes me clingy to people sometimes idk), I guess. For me the birds kind of symbolize and remind me that even when you and someone grow apart, if you care enough about each other you will grow back and be as close as before. If that makes sense lol, wish I would understand that back when I was like 8 lol, I probably sound crazy now tho. But if you look around you hard enough you can find a million symbols and lessons...

Went home, played CSGO 2 with my brother and a friend of him, but fuck that game valve made it so much worse. That game really makes me rage and angry, old csgo was way better... After that I worked on sewing fabric onto my leather jacket and then I fixed some holes in this old tshirt that I've been wearing for 5 years. Really nice that I learned how to fix small thing like that! Also really nice sitting and enjoying the sky. I'm gonna go now gotta sleep soon, Bye!!!!!!!

04/02/25

19:52

Weird & Positive & A bit sick

Worked on my painting again this morning, besicly just made some sketches and worked out what I wanted a bit. I hope that it will be good enough to hang on my wall!! I have been feeling a little weird today, like kind of empty but I still get these explosions of happynes sometimes lol. I am also feeling a bit sick so that would probably explain it hah. Been working on my site now and gonna watch adventure time after this!

I also want to start writing a book maybe, for fun and te express myself. Maybe if I'll ever start or even finish it, then I'll also put it up on the website for you guys to read. Bye for now!!

02/02/25

22:30

Tired & Happy

Last friday I bought some VHS tapes wich was really cool to find for only like 50 cent a-piece. Theyre really cool looking horror movies, so I'll need to find a VHS player soon :) . Got my grades back from the testweek and theyre pretty good so I'm glad. I do be a bit stressed about money because as I said earlier I lost my job, but it'll probably be alright. Also Spend the weekend sleeping over at my best friend wich was really fun. It was also nice seing her again because I didnt see her for a long time. We also went to a record store and got some cds!

I am actualy feeling pretty good right now (its nice to know that school is on a slowerpace now after the testweek.) But I also do understand myself a little more now from time to time. Like little sparks of hope, I do see now that overthinking doesnt solve/do anything. Its still hard to act on that knowing it but still, recognizion is the first step to fixing it. I see now that fear and stress makes you blind, it makes you think that you need it. But you dont need it, in most cases it will just makes thing worse or overcomplicated.

I hope I can keep this mindset now and get rid of that sinking feeling in my stomache that I've had for over a half year, its time to let go, relax and focus on life. Bye guys, take care ♡.